Beer is by far one of the greatest inventions of all time, somewhere up there with deodorant and sliced bread. Since (at least recorded in) 6000 B.C., we have had time to perfect the craft of the brew.The Sumerians wrote beer recipes as hymns to their god; Vikings believed Valhalla housed a giant goat that shot beer from its utter into their glasses; Americans fought for beer to graduate into the realm of god-given rights for all human beings (repeal of Prohibition). Yes, beer is a remarkable drink!
In light of the coming Oktoberfest (which actually starts in late September), whether your German heritage demands you celebrate it in or not, here is a list of 10 bizarre uses for beer that doesn’t include pouring it down your pipe.
- Distract bees and wasps: To keep bees and wasps out of your hair and away from your guests at a BBQ or family event, pop open a few brewskies, drink half of the can (or glass) and strategically place them around the perimeter of your party. When the bees are happy, you’re happy.
- Remove tough stain: When people are drinking, it’s not uncommon to get a few stains on the carpet. Not to worry! Take a light beer, pour some of it onto the stain, drink the rest, and use a carpet steam cleaner to lift even red wine stains right out.
- Fertilize your garden: Wasters leaving half-drunk beers around your house after a shindig? Pour them out in the garden and watch your plants thrive. The yeast and other extracts in beer are great plant food. Just watch out for the ones with cigarette butts. Nicotine can kill some varieties of plant life.
- Shine up wooden furniture: Take those same flat, wasted monstrosities mentioned in the passage above, pour a little on a rag, and rub it into your wooden furniture. It works as well as commercial wood polishers, and you can say you recycle.
- Treat your hair naturally: Shampoo often relies on industrialized chemicals to clean, moisturize, and lighten your hair. Beer can do all that and double as an excellent drink for the shower. Wash with it to treat dry, limp hair; add a raw egg to it if you want it to lather up. Beer hair has been known to lighten up with a sun-kissed look when you dry your hair outside in the summer heat.
- Sleep through hard nights: No you don’t have to drink it to sleep well. All you have to do is wash your pillow cases in a hoppy beer. The aroma could supposedly help lull an insomniac to sleep.
- Polish your gold: Instead of buying a metal polishing agent, pour some beer into a dish and put your gold jewelry into it to soak. Drink the rest of your beer, of course, and polish the gold with a rag afterwards. You’ll be amazed at the sheen a beer can produce.
- Give yourself spa treatment: In lieu of bath-salts, or with them for that matter, you can bathe in water with a single can of beer poured into it. Preferably a hoppy or dark beer, the beer acts as an excellent skin moisturizer and will leave your skin feeling like you do on Saturday nights.
- Rid your garden of snails and slugs: These pests can hurt any garden’s potential to produce great, flawless fruit and veggies. To eradicate them, burry a bowl up to its rim in the garden, fill it with fresh beer every day, and watch the slugs and snails crawl in and drink until they die.
- Soothe an upset stomach: Beer carbonation can be used to calm upset stomachs. Choose a sparkly beer (like Spaten Optimator or Stella) and sip it slowly. Your stomach should be good in no time. Beer also works as an diuretic for kidney-stone passing.
Want to know where to find five new beer gardens in NYC? Click here.
What’s your favorite type of beer?